eggs: a poem

White_chicken_egg i told myself that i would write something new every week for a year. i have, for the most part, stuck to this. tonight i am writing this thing but i have a burning headache and i am coming to the extremely unpleasant realization that it may be due to caffeine withdrawal. i have had two cups of coffee today. i usually have four. this is the person i have become? been thinking also about witchcraft/curanderismo a lot lately. and the importance of eggs.

went to an antique store in downtown covina yesterday and there were so many expensive egg statues. like there was this fake carton of eggs and it cost $23? and i was like, you know what i could with $23? i could buy a bunch a real eggs and LITERALLY LIVE OFF OF THEM FOR MANY WEEKS. they would keep me alive. they would keep YOU alive.

eat eggs. my mom always says that. she doesn’t approve of when my dad used to go to swap-meets to have a curandera break an egg over his head. my dad says the egg absorbs all the bad thoughts and bad vibes that people have inflicted upon you. and the yolk runs down your body, cleansing you. “how much do you pay for that?” my mom asks. my dad chooses not to hear her. “it cleanses you,” he insists. es una limpia.

well, it was easter today so that was probably why there were so many egg things everywhere in that store.

i read this article that says people are more likely to read an article if it’s about eggs. this definitely holds true for me. you’re talking about eggs? are they filled with salmonella? did you find a new delicious way to scramble them? either way, i am HOOKED.

if you’re into it, there’s also a lot of puns to be made about eggs. i won’t make any, because of my headache. but just so you know. they’re out there.

if you think about it, it’s incredibly disgusting and bizarre that we as humans eat eggs. some people tell me that they only eat scrambled eggs so they don’t have to deal with knowing about what the yolk could have been. if you think about it, eating eggs is really not okay, especially considering the way chickens are treated. so i don’t think about it.

i ate an egg white mediterranean grilled sandwich at work last week (it was free). i felt weird about the egg white business. i felt like a hypocrite. i can deal with the yolk. i can do the whole crime of eating the egg. but i mean, i still ate the whole sandwich. it had like basil or something. it was really good.

i have spent a considerable portion of my life googling the following phrase: “fried egg print dress” there is this ideal future wherein i am wearing a dress and it has little fried eggs as a pattern and i am so complex and elegant and beautiful for having this unique design on my person. this is what i imagine as i delve deeper into ebay. i haven’t found the perfect egg print dress yet but i mean the upside is that i have spent many hours looking. many hours.

there’s this appliance that takes a hardboiled egg and turns it into a cube for you. there’s a youtube video of it. i have seen this egg cuber video many times.

is this a poem or what? what am i doing. i took a whole upper division course on modern poetry and so i definitely have no idea what a poem even is. this is a poem. i am making the executive decision. eggsecutive decision. i did one pun. there will be no more after this. thank you for your patience.

my mom tells this story: my great aunt elaria woke up and went around her yard, looking to see if the hens had laid an egg. there was just one. elaria put it in her purse. she forgot about it. later, she was on a bus to work with my mom. someone bumped into her and she heard a crunch. the egg had cracked open in her purse. elaria shut her eyes tight. “ayyyy,” she said, “no quiero ver.” the moral is that you should be careful but if you’re not then you still need to face your problems directly.

my own advice to you is that if your eggs are expired then you should try to eat them anyway because most of the time they are fine and you will be okay.

this whole deal of the witch cleanse is something i really want to try. i guess i’m scared, though, that it will just be an egg waste.

i feel like i should end this in a pun but i really don’t want to do that. eggs are creepy. there are eggs in girl bodies. worms have eggs. spanish slang for balls is huevos, which just means eggs. and yet chicken eggs are so good so you just have to keep on keepin on.

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